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ituation:
I lost my job due to staff downsizing and had to take another job far away from home. This was the second time that we (my wife and I) were going long distance. This time, however, we had dogs that needed looking after. My wife went to visit her parents, so my parents looked after our dogs.
The lessons:
Strangely enough, some of the most valuable lessons I learned in life, I learned from my dogs. My dogs (two Labradors, about 15 months old at that stage) taught me the following:
Remember to still enjoy your life
Show it when you’re happy to be reunited
Remain faithful
Don’t lose your manners
Jump at every opportunity
Don’t take it personally
Get support from friends and family
1. Remember to still enjoy your life
My dogs had a great time with my parents. They live in a very rural area, right against a hill, so there were lots of cows to bark at and lots of interesting places to explore. There was also a river that they could go swimming in every day. To them, everything was exciting and new – including the sprinkler system that they could chew to bits.
Now just because your partner isn’t there, it doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t still enjoy your life. You shouldn’t act as if you’re single, and eventually get your relationship into trouble, but you should have fun. Don’t deprive yourself from having fun, and don’t feel guilty when you do have some fun without him/her. As long as you remember partner at all times, some fun won’t be a threat to your relationship.
2. Show it when you’re happy to be reunited
When we finally got back to our dogs, they were completely exuberant and uncontrollably happy for quite a few minutes. We just couldn’t get them to stand still at all. They were happy, and they were going to show it no matter what.
Don’t you think your partner deserves the same kind of treatment? There’s nothing worse than a cold or even a mild reception when you’re back together. Don’t feel afraid or embarrassed to show your joy, just let go, and be yourself. You should be happy and look happy.
3. Remain faithful
As much as they really enjoyed staying with my parents, once we started packing, they jumped onto the back of the pickup and wouldn’t budge. They knew we were going somewhere, and they didn’t want to be separated again.
Some people would call them “mindless” animals but I don’t. I know they are very intelligent and have lots of emotions. It really struck me as something to look up to. How often are couples unfaithful for the simplest reasons. If a dog can remain faithful over a long distance relationship for nearly two months on end, why can’t we? Remember, we couldn’t communicate with them the same way we as couples can communicate all the time.
4. Don’t lose your manners
We were slightly afraid that they wouldn’t be so well mannered anymore when we got back. After all, it wasn’t my parents that trained them, and maybe they trained them differently. We were pleasantly surprised to see that they were in some instances even more well-behaved than before. But that’s only because my parents were strict with them. You have to be strict with yourself.
I’m a man, so take it from me. When there’s nobody checking, manners go out the window very fast. Small things like eating with your hands and belching out loud may seem innocent when you’re alone, but it might become a very bad habit, and as with most bad habits, you may just forget sometimes that you’re not alone.
Ever thought how “easy” popping “The Question” to her parents would be if you just absentmindedly belched like a bullfrog at the dinner table? This mostly applies to men, but just because you’re a woman, you shouldn’t think you’re immune.
5. Jump at every opportunity
Because I was working out of the country, I left my pickup with my parents, as it would make it easier to transport the dogs. Every time they thought there was some driving to take place, the dogs would jump onto the pickup and would be near impossible to remove. My pickup and my parent’s car have the same alarm system, so regardless of which one was (remotely) deactivated, as soon as they heard the bleep, they would jump. They would of course be very sad when they were told to get off, but it never stopped them from doing it again.
You should be like that with your partner. You should jump at even the slightest opportunity of being with each other, or doing something fun when you are together. If there is even the remotest chance that you may score a lift with some friends (or even friends of friends of friends) that are going in the right direction, you should jump at it. Many times it doesn’t work out, but it’s worth the effort.
6. Don’t take it personally
Have you ever scolded a dog? They have this way of looking really, really sorry for whatever it is they did. They may even look sad. But as soon as you speak to them in a happy voice again, they’re all tail-waggingly happy again.
I’m not saying you should take abuse in your relationship, but sometimes people say stupid things in a stupid manner. We’ve all been guilty of it in the past and we will all be guilty of it in the future again. Learn to forgive and forget the simple unimportant issues like a dog does it, and your relationship will be much easier.
7. Get support from friends or family
I strongly believe the dogs were so happy and enjoyed themselves so much because there was two of them, and also because they were staying with my parents. Not only did they look after them well, they also gave them lots of attention. If we were to book them into kennels for the full two months, we would have gotten completely different dogs back.
The same goes for you in a long distance relationship. You shouldn’t cut yourself off from friends of family. You should rather get a support group around you that really understand how you feel. Avoid those people that tell you it can’t work out, or that you’re being silly, and surround you with positive, like-minded people.
I think dogs can teach us so much about relationships because they never over-analyse any situation. You should make the effort to learn a bit from your pets every once in a while.
Best of luck
Leon